I’m taking a time-out from the 30 for 30 today to introduce you to a very special person and ask you for a favor.
Blogworld, I’d like you to meet my brother Matt. He’s 30 years old, and has Down Syndrome.
I don’t know how old I was when it first became apparent to me that my brother was different, special. It was just one of those things that I always knew. When I was in Kindergarten and learning how to read, I’d come home from school and go over letters and words with my brother. We had this little easel in his room and we’d stick plastic magnetic letters on them and practice the sounds they made. I was five, he was eight, and we learned to read together. I remember the day I understood more than my brother. It was a strange day, when I realized that Matt was going to take a lot longer than me to learn how to read, or do math, and some things he would never understand, like how to tie his shoes, or how long an hour is.
I didn’t want to leave him behind. I didn’t want to outgrow him.
My brother has had many buddies over the years, some have been special like him and they exist together in a state of joyful innocence. I say innocence and not ignorance because my brother has a deeply profound understanding of human nature that most normal people lack entirely. Other buddies have been like you and me, and while they may have outgrown Matt in many ways, they have remained his friends nonetheless. Because there are people out there who keep caring about the special people even when they don’t have to, that let themselves stay young and child-like enough to understand that you should never outgrow someone like Matt. There are things he can teach you that are much more important than tying your shoes.
When my brother was born 30 years ago, the world did not think much of those like him. One of the doctors suggested my mother institutionalize him as he “would never progress enough to have a worthwhile life.” Even now, this idea still boggles me. My brother has lived a very full life, thus far. He survived cancer (leukemia) and he did it with perseverance and a whole lot of humor. He reads books, memorizes movies facts, and writes in his journal everyday. He picks out his own clothes, makes his own meals, does chores. He volunteers 2 days a week at the local food bank run by our church as a missionary. He attends special education religious institute classes, and takes an active role in politics. He’s a registered voter and is probably more informed about the political climate than 90 percent of the population. And that guy knows every single president forwards and backwards. I’m not kidding, you tell him a number, he’ll tell you who it was, when he served, who his wife was, how many terms, if he was assassinated, etc. etc. And the guy is funny. He makes up his own jokes, and they are clever.
He is anything but stupid.
The only painful thing about growing up with a brother like Matt, has been the ignorance I’ve encountered associated with it, most particularly the widespread social acceptance with the use of the word “retard.” How we have come so far with our intolerance for racial slurs and other such language and completely ignored this particularly hurtful and offensive word, still boggles my mind. Most people I encounter on a daily basis use the r-word, and every time they do it’s like a sucker punch to my stomach. Because using the r-word, especially when referring to something or someone as stupid, or lame, is wrong. It is offensive, even if you don’t mean it that way. And it hurts the people in our society who we should most be looking out for; those who are unable to look out for themselves.
Today is SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD day.
Thanks to Special Olympics and the Best Buddies program, for the third year in a row, hundreds of thousands of people have and are taking the pledge to stop using the r-word. And not only that, but to spread the word, that the use of the r-word is no longer socially acceptable.
So I have a favor to ask of all you fabulous bloggers out there. Take the pledge today. Pledge to quit using the r-word. To be a fan of dignity, to advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves. Devote some space on your blog, facebook wall, twitter account and spread the word to end the word.
“You may not realize how damaging the r-word can be. But when you use a slang like “retard” or “retarded,” you’re marginalizing and insulting millions of people with Intellectual Disabilities, their families, and friends. So now you know. And now you can do something about it. Take the pledge and put an end to the R-word.”-from the spread the word website.
go here to pledge:
I promise if you do it, I will love you forever.
So very touching Cori! Although not faced with an intellectual disability, I was born with several physical defects that effected my ability to walk. I too have known ignorance and the mean spirit of people who make fun and use ugly words (even in my adult life!).
Kudos to your brother for standing up to the ignorance and making a wonderful life for himself. And to you for being his champion.
~ TCC
Thanks so much! Your brother is truly amazing! I always grew up with so much respect for him. I will pledge right now!
Your family is awesome!!!
Thank you! I hope my youngest daughter will feel that way about her big sister when they are older.
“I didn’t want to leave him behind, to outgrow him.”
Thank you!
Hi cori from now and I will promise to publish this BLOG.
This is awesome. My brother also has Down syndrome, is named Matt and will be turning 30 this year. Erasing the R-word is all about having a reason to stop and I think that if most people stop and think about it, they would realize that there are plenty of great reasons–such as your brother and mine. http://saucysalad.com/2011/03/02/whats-your-reason/
Beautifully written, Cori. Thanks for spreading the word to end the word.
I’m a mom to an amazing, wonderful son, who just happens to have Autism. It does not define who he is or what he can accomplish, it’s just the disorder he has.
I came across your blog from the spread the word feed on my facebook. Your words have moved me to tears. Matt’s lucky to have such an awesome sister, just as you are lucky to have him as your brother. He looks like quite the charmer!
My uncle (dad’s brother) passed away this summer. He was 53 and he had Down Syndrome. He was more like a brother to me, and I became fiercely protective of him once I was old enough to realize that he was special. He was a true gift to our family and to all that knew him; he taught us SO much about what it meant to be a good person.
So I’m with you…I’m doing what I can to help spread the word to end the word!
Beautiful, Cori. I have a son with Down syndrome who will turn 1 on March 13, and when I look at your photographs I see my two children – my brunette daughter and my blond boy – in the future. As a mom with my own blog, I have written my own posts about the r-word, but as a sibling you have a perspective that I don’t have. Thank you!
Thank you! Well written! Brought tears to my eyes reading your words and thinking about my children (10, 9 & 6…eldest daughter had Down syndrome) and the current struggles they encounter daily with peers and personal development.
Such a touching post!
Cori,
Thank you for sharing. My daughter, Caroline, has Ds. She also thanks you.
Thank you so much for posting your views as a younger sibling. I only hope that my other 2 kids stand up for and speak out for their dear sister Scotland!
You are a blessing!
This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it.
North Meets South
Thanks for all the love for my brother guys! I’ve been so touched by all of the wonderful stories today.
my husband’s little sister has downs and I never realized how much I used the R word until she came into my life. Most people don’t even think about it! Thanks for such a beautiful post!
Kayla
Freckles in April | a modest clothing blog
Cori- you are beautiful inside and out, and this made me cry. I think being your friend and having you tell me how much this word has always been hurtful, has affected me. I think I said it once in high school around you, and got a good scolding! Rightfully so. :) And seriously, it has had a lasting impact on me. I didn’t know later in life how much this word would effect me, until I became an aunt to a very special little girl just like Matt. She is amazingly smart, loving and very capable of feeling, interacting and sensing other peoples emotions. I myself have also witnessed Matt’s extreme intelligence, seamless and unconditional love and amazing charm and humor. I miss him— AND YOU of course, reading this blog. I hope you don’t mind if I link this to my facebook wall. It was beautifully written. And this blogs awesome!:)
Aw, I love your brother! It’s been way too long since I’ve seen him. I made the pledge a couple of years ago when you posted it on your other blog. It hasn’t been hard to quit saying that word, because I never really said it to begin with. I just call people other things when they’re being dumb ;)
What a beautiful post! Thank you for taking the time to share with all of us.
Thanks for sharing Cori and I’m sure many people were touched to know a little bit more about you as well as learning about Down’s syndrome. =)
Super sweet Cori! I also get sick of it, and ill try to spread the word wherever I go! Tell Matt I said hi and i hope we can visit soon!
This Summer we will be going to Utah, so definetly a drop-in! (:
loveyusomuch!
Daphne Call
<3
Thank you for sharing Cori. I look at pictures of you and your brother and think of some unknown future time when maybe those will be my kids. I have three very special and amazing little men of my own, and while they don’t have Downs, they share a myriad of diagnosis’ of their very own.
These innocent and inspiring little guys have taught me more about living and life than any of my college courses or other worldly things. That you love your brother is evident and an amazing testimony to the love he must also have for such a loving and amazing sister.
Thank you for writing so eloquently about such an emotional topic.
Katrina
“Kat” – one of many special needs parents out there.
Beautifully said
This was the neatest post ever! I seriously love reading about special people in bloggers lives. I took the pledge!! :)
Thank you very much for writing this! It was beautifully written and tears are still rolling down my cheeks. My little sister is 21 and is blessed with an extra chromosome as well!! We love her dearly and wouldn’t have asked for her any differently. Many people are constantly saying the r-word without any sense what they are saying or who it might effect. Everytime I hear it, it’s like a punch to my stomach. Most of my close friends have worked very hard to eliminate it from their speech and if they accidentally do it they quickly look my way and apologize. My hope is that someday it will be eliminated from everyones speech. Thank you again!
This post was both informative and inspirational. Thank you so much for writing. I’ve been following your blog for about a month now and I LOVE LOVE LOVE your style. But this post just made me love your blog even more now =) You are the sweetest girl ever!
i am a speech therapist for preschoolers with special needs and i have always felt defensive about the r-word. it’s completely insensitive and i have never understood how people just throw it around like it’s nothing. to me, it is something…it’s mean and hurtful. thanks for this post to create more awareness and hopefully sensitivity to those with special needs.
That word is commonplace in our society, and it’s disgusting how people don’t even realize how offensive it is. I felt anger reading about the doctor who suggested your brother be institutionalized. How lucky he is to have a sister like you! I just found your blog, it’s lovely. Though whenever I find Mormon bloggers I always have so many questions… they all seem to have a few things in common, like getting married young and having children young, and although everyone seems so very, very educated, they never seem to have careers. Is this a religious thing?
I have a sister with Down Syndrome! She is the light of my life!!! I HATE that evil word too! My mom drilled it into our family to NEVER say it. I really should ask people not to say it also.
Laura
Cori- I just stumbled upon this post while backreading a bit on your blog and wanted to let you know how beautiful and touching this was! I love seeing bloggers use their voice to advocate for others, or for a cause that is important to them, and this entry really tugged at my heartstrings :) I will most definitely make this pledge, as I agree that the word is hateful and ugly!
I just came across this post, and the pictures of your brother brought a HUGE smile to my face! And your post brought tears to me eyes. I have a little girl with Down Syndrome and she is THE sweetest thing EVER! I am SO lucky to be her momma. I also have a sister with special needs and she is a light in my life as well. Thank you for for getting word out there that using the r-word is wrong. It’s such a hateful and ugly word.